My Mother's Eyes

Twenty years ago today, my mom died. "Expired," as they would say in India.

Her death is forever linked in my soul with the Challenger Crash, which occurred just days before. I was a great fan of Christa McAuliffe, first teacher in space. It was a national loss followed by a personal loss.

I know that if my mother had ever visited India, it would have felt very alien to her. And yet -- I frequently see her in the eyes of the women of India.

--In the tired eyes of the women at construction sites, carrying bricks on their heads, under the relentless Indian sun.
--In the proud eyes of the mother who walks her daughters, with their neatly-plaited hair, to school each morning.
--In the sad eyes of the dutiful wife who daily prepares fresh rotis for her husband.
--In the devout eyes of the women with jasmine in their hair who gather at the temples.

Worn down---proud---dutiful---devoted.

After we moved to the U.S., she spent all of her life working in a factory. A noisy, soul-destroying place, where, along with dozens of other immigrant women, she frequently worked grueling 12-hour days, then came home and worked some more.

Today, on the way to work, I look for her in those eyes.

Left to right: Donna, Meg, Eva, Basia, with our mom in the back.
This was our passport photograph for our move to the U.S., in 1964.

Comments

[shannon clubb]

I know I have seen that picture before.... but it always is something else how you have not changed at all....

[donnak]

thank you....................very touching. i've been thinking about her today also. And of course you and Ewa have her eyes on a more visible level.

[Sharon from CT]

Basia, What a lovely tribute to your Mom. I only met her that once, when I stayed overnight in our freshman year...I remember her warmth and generosity to me as I entered your home, in the kitchen busy, busy. Her innate goodness and pride in her daughters shone through on, what can only be called, a cellular level. I always associate a level of grace with her, despite hardship or disappointments...a part of her that couldn't "expire"...and of course, she lives on in 4 magnificent daughters, all amazing in their own way...I think when she gazes down at all of you now, the love and pride must validate all her efforts...thank you for this posting. It's so touching. Love, Sharon

[Basia]

Thanks Sharon~ I've always been very happy that you got to meet her-

[Gosia]

yes, and I "look" for her - and see her in my dreams, frequently. The only day I step into a Catholic church these days is today (I also did on Ciocia Kostro's burial day)She truly was Durga - the fierce protectress mother.

[Clare]

Your mom would continue to be proud of you, Basia. May be all become the women our mothers hoped for!

[Buffy]

Lovely post.

[Anielcia]

Basiu w tym szczegolnym dniu juz 20 rocznicy odejscia Twojej Mamy 2 lutego,a miesiac po smierci Cioci Kostrowej w Piekutach byla odprawiona w Jej intecji msza sw.Bylam tam i modlitewna pomiencia ogarnialismy Je obydwie.30 mszy gregorjanskich za ciocie Kostro beda odprawiane codziennie przez caly miesiac kwiecien.

[subasri]

Hi Basia,
You've probabaly seen me in the office. I joined in January.I've gone through some of your articles.
Some are really funny and I enjoyed them[ the one about the footwear which kept reappearing]
But this one made me reflect.It has a special significance to me because I lost my mom recently.
And, everytime a stranger is nice to me, I think its her way of showing she's still around...
I remember the day a stranger , woman who looked very poor, offered to share her umbrella with me
when it was raining like mad.
Well... I think moms watch out for us even after they move to a higher level...

[Basia]

That's very moving, Subasri. And I agree. Thank you-

[Sande]

Hi,

I'm a friend of your sister Margaret's...yesterday we had a lovely lunch at her new little place in Oakland and I admired your photographs...terrific. Together we looked at photographs of your family and even your cousin's wedding video that M. made in Poland (near Bialystok?)

I chose to look at the family photo and your thougts on your mother. I lost my mother in March, she was 94...we are Polish Russian Jews, although my grandparents left there not long after the turn of the century.

I'm making plans to visit Europe and India, as my son is currently in boarding school. My previous fieldwork was conducted in '79-80 in Ladakh...I've never been to south India...I'll check your site for some ideas...have not formulated my research plans...but who knows..perhaps I'll get to me another member of the remarkable Kruszewska clan.

Best regards,

Sande Green

[Basia]

Hello Sande, welcome to the blog. Let me know if I can be of any help in formulating your India plans. I'd be happy to meet up with you when you are in India.

[soomeeta]

hi
i live in uk and my parents are in mauritius. last week my dad was diagnosed with cancer. we have all been feeling really down since then. today i was speaking to my mum and she was telling me that a lizard dropped on her. being a hindu i wanted to know the meaning of it( u know superstition) and i came by your blog completely by accident.i must tell you that i have never experienced so much different kind of emotions in such a short space of time.i laughed , i cried,i felt proud,i was in awe, shocked etc.... you name it! and i still have a lot more to experience because i havent seen the whole of your blogs. well to put it simply ,i just wanted to say thank you!WHY? i cant really put it into words yet but im sure you will understand.
soomeeta

[Basia]

Hi Soomeeta, welcome to the blog. I am happy to hear that you are enjoying it. I hope things go well with your father.

[Mughil David]

I was in the middle of writing a Procedure when i felt stressed and asked a friend of mine to send me the url of ur blog, as i had wanted to read ur blog for quite sometime. I just logged in to ur blog and was browsing the Past favorites, when i SPONTANEOUSLY stumbled on the caption "My Mother's Eyes". It rewinded me to the day (2 weeks back,) the day i lost my mom to Pneumonia ....... it once again brought in those heavy emotions...... i started crying once again ......(Something that i do on and off these days).....

I still feel my mom is somewhere around.... calling out to me ...... to check if i had my breakfast.........

[Basia]

Mughil: Sorry to hear that those pesky procedures were stressing you out! ;o) I agree, I'd like to think that our mothers are still out there somewhere, watching over us...