Displays of Affection

At first glance, Chennai seems to be a very gay-friendly city. When I first arrived here, San Francisco came to mind!

It was startling to see males everywhere walking arm in arm, holding hands, and generally draping themselves all over each other, in ways that in the U.S. only couples would do.

But it turns out they're not gay boys. Same-sex displays of affection are very acceptable here, and not an indication of one's sexuality. On my half-hour drive to work, it's not unusual to see 20 or 30 males walking arm in arm or holding hands. I find this display of same-sex affection charming; our warped American taboos in this regard could take a lesson from the Indians. In the U.S., only the most confident of straight boys would be seen strolling hand in hand with another male!

I must admit, however, that I was disappointed that they were not gay boys. Homosexuality is officially illegal in India, and there are very few "out" gays. In fact, I've never heard anyone in India so much as say the word "gay."As in the U.S., just because the word is never spoken, does not mean the practice doesn't exist. In fact, I recently read a very interesting description of the practice of maasti - a common form of sexual play between males (maasti means mischief in Hindi) which is not considered "real sex," but only "messing about." Whatever!

On the other hand, I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen a man walking hand in hand with a woman. (I know, I know, that's a lot of "hands" in one sentence!) Male/female touching in public seems to be strictly forbidden--except for the eve-teasers, that is. Or perhaps, that's why there is so much eve-teasing, because normal male/female touching is so taboo?

It's amazing to me how different cultures can have such completely opposite taboos. In any case, I'm very much enjoying this refreshing break from at least this one Western taboo.

Comments

[Dale B.]

Wow, I think this difference between the cultures is fascinating. And I find the display of affection between males heartwarming, as do you. I bet there is a biological need for physical contact with those we consider friends (tactical allegiance displays, perhaps?) and I wonder if rough-housing is the American male's distorted, but only-allowable, manifestation of that.

Regarding the movie you saw:
The plot--lesbian as psychopath, as monster--is so absurd as to be downright funny. Are you sure this wasn't meant as satire? Someday, this film is going to be a laughable bit of history. Congrats on being a first generation viewer!

I am going out West for a few weeks without my computer. I really am going to miss this blog. Promise me you won't post anything too significant until I come back. And that includes pictures of food!

[Dale B.]

Hey Basia, I just thought of a book you can write (and self-publish). Your observations on cultural differences make you a natural for writing a book for those Americans whose jobs require them to work in India. There are so many such workers nowadays, with more on the way, and they really need a guide telling them how to behave in that country and what to expect from the behavior of others. Who planning to spend a month to a year in India wouldn't rush out to buy such a book? Nobody wants to be humiliated by being on the wrong line at the movie theater. (And men will be relieved to find out that it was just maasti, and not "real" sex!)